If you haven’t noticed already, my blog has had a little makeover. Recently God has been impressing on me the importance of giving my entire life to Him, not withholding anything. The Art of Losing is the narrative of this life that God has chosen for me. This week I’ll be posting a series for the first time on where my heart has been lately to bring me to The Art of Losing. As always, I welcome your thoughts and love to hear what is on your heart too. Thanks for reading!
I don’t know how to describe my heart to you tonight. It’s funny that only a couple days ago I was writing about how heavy my heart was for some unknown reason. I had a few silly, girly thoughts rolling around in my head for why my heart was so unsettled. But tonight, God showed me why I have been burdened, and I just have to laugh. It’s so obvious, so blatantly obvious, that I feel like a blind fool for not noticing sooner.
I am far from God.
Yeah. I am. So far from where God wants me to be.
I laugh at that now because sometimes it feels like God is absent when in actuality, He is in the middle of all of it. The confusion, hurt, anxiety, heart-ache, indecision, darkness, vulnerability, shame, lies, lust, selfishness, rock-bottom — He’s there. It doesn’t always feel like that, does it? It feels like He’s so far away. But He’s never left. He’s never moved an inch.
I am the one who was far away.
I am the one who chose to be against God.
I am the one who said ‘no’ to his perfect plan.
And He is the one who has the grace to take me back.
He is the one with a love that I will never be able to fathom, but will know intimately for all of eternity.
(Click here for the rest of the series: 2 – 3)