Sex and dating: 2

I’ve been putting this post off for over a week now. “Why,” I ask myself. Because, it’s awkward. Who wants to read about sexual sin on the internet? Who would blog about that? The common Christian reaction to this kind of sin is to shun those people or keep it hushed. The common worldly reaction is the opposite, acceptance. But what is God’s reaction? It is forgiveness and love. That should be our reaction as well.

Though for most of my life I thought these things didn’t actually happen, that they only happened to those people, whoever they are, I’ve come to realize that this sin, although treated differently than others, is just as common. People are tempted just the same. People struggle just the same. Just as lying, stealing, and drunkenness are sins, and they are all forgiven by our mighty God, so sexual sin is forgiven.

On February 1, my church had a second night of a dating/sex talk. This time, it was mostly about sex. These are some notes that I took that I think could be beneficial, and that’s why I’m posting this awkward, hush-hush, “who wants to read it anyway,” blog.

Dating in high school.
Is it ok, is it not ok? Although I’m not in high school anymore, I liked what my youth pastor had to say. Well, what’s the point of dating? Dating is to get to know someone. My youth pastor encouraged us to date for the purpose of getting to know people, to be comfortable with guys/girls in conversation. Learn how to be friends and have fun. Nothing physical.
-The more you know about yourself, the easier it’s going to be to have boundaries.
-Even when mentors/pastors tell you what is right, you need to find out for yourself what is the right thing to do. What is right has to mean something to you.

God in relationships.
How can I include God in my relationship?
-Put God first in your relationship.
-If you can love God first, you can love that person.
-If you can’t find God in your relationship with that person, it will be hard to find Him in your life.
-When you’re following God, you desire him more. If you’re not going to church because of that person, this should be a red flag. You should want to be closer to God, not farther from Him. Those people who hold you accountable are at church, and you don’t want to go to church, this should be the red flag.
-Two of you together should be a better picture of who God is. If you’re both following God, you can encourage each other.
-Be careful not to be too intimate. If you or the other person is using God as an excuse to be alone with this person.. Red flag.

Freedom in relationships.
-God wants us to be free.
-When we choose sex outside of marriage, it makes us captive. You become a slave to need rather than desire/want.

Turkeys.
Don’t preheat the oven if you’re not going to cook the turkey.
It would be foolish to preheat the oven if you’re not going to cook something…Think about it.

Unexpected explicit sin.
-Run. Tell somebody. Lose your pride. Call out to God.
-Telling someone is important. If you keep it inside, the sin grows. No one knows and there is no one to hold you accountable. It becomes easier to keep on sinning.
-When watching movies, don’t fall in love with the picture of broken relationships. Movies that idealize adultery or sex before marriage, they put a picture in your mind of what relationships are “supposed to look like.” But they aren’t like that. Those relationships are very broken.

Wrapping it up.
There is a struggle, and it’s always present. But why is it so hard? I’m never tempted to murder someone…Lying, stealing, murder. Society will tell you that those sins are wrong. Sexual sin? Society says that it’s good.

Christ died for freedom so that we can be free. Galatians 5:1

Complement each other like colors.

I’ve been thinking out loud with my friend Mallory, and here’s what is finally settling in my heart. I’ve heard these things before, but it’s finally making sense.

In Dating Delilah, Pastor Judah says, “Guys, has the woman you are considering marrying put her life on hold in search of a man who can bring her definition and direction? I didn’t marry that kind of woman. I knew that Chelsea was going to change the world whether I married her or not and I wanted to join her team. You have to understand that you individually have a purpose outside of a relationship with another person. God has a plan just for you!”

…Isn’t that sweet?

I finally get it! My plan for my future can’t be, “I want to get married and be a missionary.” Yes, I would love for that to happen, but I need to be seeking what God wants me to do, and not let my future be dependent on getting married. Maybe God wants me to be single for the rest of my life. Yikes. That’s a terrifying thought! But my point is, I need to be ok with that if it’s God’s plan.

I want someone to come in and complete me so that we can go do amazing things for God’s kingdom together, but I think God wants me to be ok with just bringing glory to Him by myself. I need to be complete with just me and God, then maybe I can fall in love. I need to be ok with whatever God is leading me into without being dependent on having someone else there. If God is calling me to teach overseas as a missionary, I need to be able to do that without a husband in the plan.

I need to be complete with just God, with or without a man. If I find completion in God, then I will be able to let the the relationship I have with my husband complement my relationship with God. My life will still only be complete with God and not more complete with the man.

I’m letting out a huge sigh of relief. It just makes sense. Now, if only I could begin to let God complete me instead of trying everything on my own. One step at a time, right?

Sex and dating: mostly dating.

I don’t usually go to high school youth group since I’m no longer in high school, but tonight was a special night, a night dedicated to talking about sex, dating, and relationships. Some questions went something like this, Is it ok to date in high school? — Is dating ok if you’re not ready for marriage? — Is it ok to date someone who isn’t a virgin? — How does God fit in to dating? There were more, but we didn’t find out what they were because we talked too long about dating. Fortunately, there will be another night of discussion.

Some things that really stuck out to me are:

1. 1 Timothy 3 is a list of qualities for leaders and overseers in the church. Dave said that this list should be the list that our husbands should measure up to because we should want our husbands to be good enough to lead the church.

2. We discussed the word “dating.” In high school, “dating” is liking someone, then asking them to be your boyfriend/girlfriend, then going on dates. In the real world, “dating” is asking someone out, going on a series of dates, then if you would like to pursue a relationship, you discuss being in an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. High school and the real world are the exact opposite. I’d never thought about that before.

3. My husband is alive right now. He is a living, breathing, man, somewhere in the world. He is alive. God is preparing my heart for him, and his heart for me. I need to be constantly praying for him, that God will protect him and be with him. It makes me so excited that God is preparing us for one another. I can’t wait to meet my future husband, but for right now, I just pray that he is seeking God with all of his heart, soul, mind, and strength.

It was a good, deep discussion, and I can’t wait to continue it!