Because of Mercy

In September 2013, my husband and I had a beautiful daughter, Sofie Grace. Sofie is every kind of perfect. She is our sweet princess, our littlest love, the prettiest girl in the history of baby girls.

But it didn’t always feel so perfect.

I started dating Rafael in July 2012 and in January of 2013, I found out I was pregnant. The shame of that overwhelmed me. I feared what people would say. I feared what they would think and not tell me. Because I wasn’t married.

The ugliness, the sin, the shame — that was all I could see in myself. Even after Rafael and I were married in February 2013, even then, I was ashamed. Even after I told my mom and all my friends and they still loved me, even then, I was ashamed. Even after Sofie was born and I saw that she was the most beautiful creation in the world, even then, I was ashamed.

But God began to do a work in me. He reminded me that he loved me. He told me that for this very reason he died for me. I never understood that truth before that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom 5:8)

He didn’t die for the perfect. He didn’t die for the whole. He died for the sinners and the broken. He died for men who struggle with pornography. He died for women who have abortions. He died for me, who got pregnant before the wedding.

And he didn’t do it because I’m good enough. Or because I can be good enough. He did it because of mercy.

Because of mercy he died for us.

Because of mercy I am unashamed.

Because of mercy we live.

Because of mercy you are forgiven.

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.” Titus 3:4-7

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