As my husband’s first Father’s Day weekend came and went, I couldn’t help but be excited for him to be a daddy to our sweet Sofia Grace (who is due to be born at the end of August). He is already an incredible daddy. He loves to feel and watch her kicking and often puts his ear to my belly to listen to her and talk to her. He tells her sweet things about how much he loves her and how precious she is, and he is already complimenting her on her swimming and baking skills. “What are you cooking,” he asked her last week. “Oh! Cookies? Can I have one? Wow, you are so good at cooking.”
When I married Rafael I knew he was a great man, but I never could have imagined how great a father he would be even before his little girl has taken her first breath. He already prays for her, provides for her, and plays with her. I’m in love.
It made me sad to realize that some young women I know will not have such a man in their daughter’s lives. There are some women who get caught up on crushes who become boyfriends who become serious relationships and end up staying in these relationships even when they’re not healthy simply because they get stuck.
Maybe a bad boy crush from high school or an unfulfilled desire for being wanted and loved took over a woman’s heart and she found herself stuck in a relationship with someone she loves, but who is not a man that will protect her or provide for her or cherish her like a woman needs to be cherished. I know because I was there and I can see it in others around me.
Remember, ladies, this man who holds your heart will one day be the father of your daughters and sons. Many of my friends have found and fallen in love with incredible men and I am excited to see their families grow too, to see their husbands become fathers and love their daughters.
But be careful of your sometimes-he-yells-too-loud, sometimes-he-comes-home-drunk, sometimes-he-smokes-pot, sometimes-he-locks-himself-in-his-room kind of man. Someday he’ll be the father of your daughters and sons, and if he has these problems now, it’s likely that someday he’ll be an abusive father, an alcoholic father, a pot-smoking-can’t-hold-down-a-job father, or a porn-addicted father.
My mom always told me that the problems you have before you’re married will only be magnified when you get married. So, ladies, be careful who you choose to date and who you allow to be your boyfriend. Little decisions can become bigger compromises. And someday, if you let him, your boyfriend will become your husband and your husband will become the father of your daughters and sons.
But you get to choose the man who will be the father of your kids. Choose wisely.
Disclaimer: I’m not saying that men don’t have faults. I’m not saying you need to find a perfect man. (They don’t exist. Just as perfect women don’t exist either.) I’m saying that if your crush, boyfriend, or fiance does any of these things and is unwilling to change or can’t change because of an addiction that he is unwilling to get help for — you may need to make a tough decision.