I’ve gotta be honest… the past couple weeks that I’ve been home in Seattle have been incredibly difficult. Most days it has felt like my life is falling apart, — my life here in Seattle and my life in San Jose.
I talked with a friend today and he put into words this overwhelming feeling that I’ve had for about a year now, a feeling that increases with every day — it’s the feeling of having two lives. I really do. I have a life here in Seattle that involves my past and my present, my family, my friends, church, school, and my job. This is the life I have here, right now. But there is another life I live, a life in San Jose, Costa Rica. The life with my other family, my other friends, my church, my future and my passion.
My life here doesn’t know my life there, not really. And my life there doesn’t know my life here. It breaks my heart in two. There is a piece of me that will always and forever be in Seattle and now also a piece of me that will forever and always be in Costa Rica.
And right now it feels like both of them are breaking, going through trials, being tested in the most difficult ways. Being here doesn’t make it easy to support my friends and family in San Jose. That is incredibly difficult for my heart. But I know my place is here for now. I have a purpose here. And God must know what he’s doing.
With my heart stretched so far, I feel the signs of depression creeping in again. I’m struggling in school, with balancing time, with loving people who have broken my heart, and being a supportive friend, sister and daughter. This is a season in my life and this too will pass, but right now it’s tough to persevere.
For those of you who have been praying, today and yesterday I feel better. Not whole; not nearly. But I feel better. More peace; more joy; more motivation. I feel your prayers dancing around me. I feel the Lord sending himself to my heart, to quiet and calm her. Thank you for walking with me. I truly cherish all those who walk with my heart.
Keep praying, friends. God is a conqueror, and I know he will win these battles for me. Let God be my strength forever and ever.