With all of my heart.

God says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. And I will be found by you.”

He will be found. He will be found when I seek him with all of my heart.

But am I seeking him with all of my heart? Am I looking in a place where he will be found? Or am I looking among other things, hoping he’ll be there in the midst of my other desires?

I tell myself that I am seeking God with everything that I am, but that is not the whole truth. I say that I want God more than life. More than success and a stable career and prosperity. More than worldly satisfaction. More than love. But I’m not sure that I do. At least, it doesn’t look like that from my actions.

My heart flirts with desires of adoration, acceptance, and assurance. She tries to find these among things that were never meant to satisfy a heart. And for a moment, she is satisfied, but it is a false satisfaction. It is not one that lasts. It is not one that is pure and good and true.

And when she finds these fleeting moments of satisfaction, they just as quickly leave her disappointed, ashamed, aching, broken. She wishes she hadn’t been so naive to expect anything lasting from things that weren’t created to last. My heart is left wanting, and waiting, and yearning for more.

Papa, hold my heart. Sing of your love for her. Remind her of your goodness.

And then show me what it’s like to want you more than anything, to seek you without any hindrances. More than acceptance. More than an easy life. More than an exciting life. More than love. More than answers. I want to seek you with nothing between us.

I don’t want to only seek your answers to my questions. I don’t want to only seek your will for my life. I don’t want to only know what’s next on the agenda. I don’t want to trust in that. I don’t want those things to be my focus. And I can only truly know and understand if I am seeking and loving and knowing you first.

I just want you. I want the God of the Universe, the King of my heart, the Lover of my soul. I just want you my Jesus, my God, my Spirit, my Redeemer.

Let me seek you with everything that I am. Let me find you. Let nothing stand in the way.

Just give me you, Jesus. I trust you’ll take care of the rest.

_______________________________

Originally posted a year ago: July 24, 2010.

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