Life has been difficult lately. Maybe it’s not as obvious to you because I’ve gotten good at wearing a smile, but in my heart I know it.
I’m sitting here in the middle of struggles that tear down my heart, burdens I can’t carry, battles I don’t want to fight and responsibilities I didn’t ask for. But I am here, right here, living this life and God knows all of it.
He knows where my heart is at. He knows when I don’t have the energy to get out of bed in the morning. He knows when I don’t have the focus to complete simple tasks or the concentration to attempt homework. He knows when my heart is heavy from expectations I can’t meet.
He holds the tears I cried yesterday and the tears I cried today. He holds me when I’m crying and he holds my burdens even when I think I can carry them myself.
Nothing gets past him. He has a plan for me when life is out of control. I’m learning that no matter how much I want to be and how hard I try to be, I’m not in control of my life. I don’t even have power over my own breath.
And I’m learning that it’s ok to lose battles and to lose control, to know that God is in control and I am not. It’s ok to realize defeat, to surrender, and understand that battles I once thought easy are no longer easy. When I’m given things I can’t handle, he knows and he is with me, fighting the battles I can’t fight.
I don’t know when I’ll find the end to this, but I have faith God will take me there. Someday soon life will return to my life. Jesus, fight for me and carry me there.