From an American perspective, there are things in life that seem like they should be necessities. Things like laptops, iphones, and cars. But those same things are luxuries in other places in the world. Yet the pace of America is so much faster; the land so much vaster; the expectations so different.
I find myself in the middle of a battle. I think I can do without them, but I also feel the weight of society, of expectation and obligation, telling me I can’t. Obligations stretch me between my small suburb and the great Seattle — college, work, sleep; repeat. I know I need to volunteer in Seattle, but I also know the resources aren’t there for me to begin the things I love while my obligations are desperate for attention. Time is smothered by bus schedules, class schedules, work schedules.
From an American perspective it seems that certain luxuries could make me feel less stretched. It seems they could help me accomplish my obligations in a more timely manner, giving me time to do what I love — time to serve and love people in my beloved city that I feel so disconnected from.
And so a prayer whispered into my heart, a prayer I am unsure about. Is it my selfish desire, or is it God’s desire for me so that I can better serve this city that is on my heart? I ask questions: how? when? really God, you could do that?
I keep praying. If it’s my desire, let it go. If it’s God’s desire, let it be.