Life has been busy lately with going back to school, working, figuring out the end of my college career, and the unfortunate death of my hard drive, and I realize I haven’t been around much. It’s hard to find time to write when I can hardly find time to stay caught up on email, if and when I find a computer to use. So while you wait, I leave you with this. I stumbled on these words of mine and am finding them ever so honest and true with where my heart is right now.
I am missing.
January 9, 2009
Tonight I don’t have any deep thoughts rolling around in my head. I didn’t forge profound ideas while I slept last night. There seems to be nothing philosophical or important to say. And yet, my heart is heavy and my mind is full.
Do you ever have these nights when everything you ought to be doing and everything to ought to think just seems exhausting? The only place my mind wanders tonight is to far away cities, towns, fields, and to people that I’ve been missing.
I am overwhelmed by distance and life, people and love. Life is a vapor, a flower quickly fading, but my hand keeps reaching to grasp it. I blindly grab the air, hoping for a second I can hold onto something. It slips. The dream. The friendship. The hope for my future. It slips between my fingertips more quickly than I conceived the idea that I might keep it. I want to hold on to memories. I want to grasp the future, whatever it might be.
Tonight, I’m missing things that have been and have yet to be. I know I should not dwell upon these things, but tonight I just can’t help myself. I’m missing something, somewhere, some people. Tonight I am missing. There’s nothing profound about my words, I just thought I should let you know.