Last year I joined a group of bloggers who chose one word to define their year. I chose the word “do” as an encouragement to spend less time in front of a computer screen and more time experiencing the joys of life — to see more ballets and plays and Sounders games, to jump in a lake with all of my clothes on at midnight just because I could, and to fly to Japan to see my best friend. I did do more last year. It was a good year.
This year I’ve been wrestling over my one word. There are so many lessons to learn, so many words to define my life, so many goals to accomplish — this one word feels restricting. How can I choose one word as my companion for a whole year? I’ve tossed around humility, honesty, grace, freedom and forgiveness, but none of them seemed right. All of them hold pieces of what I want 2011 to be, but not one of them, alone, is enough.
Instead I attempted to choose a word which I think encompasses all of them: redeemed.
For a very long time I have dishonestly striven for perfection on my own accord. I pridefully hid the ugly parts of me, refused grace, and expected others to meet my standards of perfection, believing that I could meet them too. Inside, my heart was screaming, “This isn’t who I am!” I wore a mask and told myself it was real or could be if I pretended long enough. Yet still it remains a mask.
I want to be real with where I’m at. I want to fully grasp that I am a sinner. I am human. I make mistakes. I am just normal. I want to understand it is because of those things that I desperately need and can accept God’s grace and forgiveness more freely. I want to live in the freedom I have been given because of Christ. I want to learn to seek God without a mask, without false pretenses, without hiding behind a lie.
I want to seek God as who I am, a sinner who is redeemed.