It cannot be for this blog.
It cannot be for the goal of encouraging others.
It cannot be for the sake of being a good example or a good Christian or for living up to standards of excellence.
It cannot be for you, or my best friend, or my brother, my mother, my Bible study, or future husband.
It cannot be for any person.
I need to seek God for the sake of knowing him. That is all.
But I’m dreadfully terrible at making it so. I’m crawling at a snail’s pace right now (a distracted snail, at that). Seemingly shinier things catch my eye — usually affirmation, appreciation, and affection — and I put off knowing God until one of the things above demands it of me. A church service thrusts knowledge upon me, a blog post begs to be written, a friendship requires encouragement. So I fill up just enough to pour the God in me into someone else’s emptiness, leaving me empty yet again.
I’m tired of feeling empty. I’m tired of choosing emptiness. I’m tired of not choosing God. I want to choose him and I want to know him, but my flesh is putting up a strong fight against it, and I’m feeling defeated.
I am thankful today that God’s grace is enough for me. I’m thankful he doesn’t give up on me. And I’m praising him, that though I am an adulterous bride, he takes me back. every. single. time.