In a few years, my friend Mallory will move to Seattle, increasing the number of my African family that lives in Washington. I was just thinking, “Oh, that will be so perfect!” Perfect, yes, but fleeting.
What is perfection and how does it last?
In a few years I will be graduated, at the same place that Mallory is now. I will have had more perfect memories, met more people, seen more places. It will be my turn to figure out the next stage of my life.
She will be coming here, making life as I see it now more perfect. But what about life as I see it then? Will I have fallen in love? Be getting married? Be called to missions? Perfect now is different from perfect then. It frightens me to think that tomorrow will be different. We don’t ever see it coming. Change comes slowly as each day is defined differently. Each day is new — new people, new places, new ideas.
Small steps are taken each day, and one day when we look back, it is different. It looks like one big step. But it isn’t really. It is a multitude of small ones. When I look at the future now, it seems it will be different suddenly. It scares me now because I can’t see the small steps. I only see one big change. I don’t know who my friends will be next year, but I can hope that the friendships I have now will be stronger. I don’t know where I’ll be living in a few years, but I can hope that I will be where God wants me.
The future freaks me out. Which reminds me of a Motion City Soundtrack song. (I’m on fire, and now I think I’m ready to bust a move.)
Anyway, this week time has overwhelmed me. I don’t do well with change. I don’t like to lose people. Perhaps it’s a little bit of the new year that has me so wrapped up in these things. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away so I could enjoy being where I am now. Life is a vapor. Think on that. Or don’t. It might drive you crazy.
Does the future ever haunt you this much?