July 26, 2007

I have always….well, always, meaning the last year or so, struggled with not knowing the date that I was saved. I know it was sometime in 2007, but when? I know Megan’s date, and Christina’s, and my dad’s. But when was mine? Not knowing that day is like not knowing your birthday. I can’t point to a day on the calendar and say, “That day! That’s when Jesus rescued me! That’s when I believed!”

Looking back at calendars and journals and notes, I have come to a conclusion. I prayed a prayer when I was very young, but I was going through the motions. I know without a doubt that I didn’t believe. I wanted to believe because my parents did and I grew up in the church, so it was the thing to do. But I didn’t. In spring 2006 I remember telling God that I wanted to believe so badly, but I couldn’t. I didn’t and I wouldn’t lie to myself. I prayed that He would show me that He existed. It was all very rocky for the next year. In early 2007 (February-March) I began going to church again, and I had a desire to know God. I wanted to want Him, and somewhere in there I finally did want Him. I told Katie that I wanted to get involved in a small group…etc. That’s the part I don’t really have a date for…

But, I just remembered, family camp 2007, one of my worst/best memories. I lost a friend that week, but I gained a Savior. Thursday night of family camp we had worship by the camp fire. I looked forward to that all week. After worship, I talked with Kevin for a long time, trying desperately to explain the change that was going on in my heart. I think he already saw it but any explanation was just confusing. I wanted to be his friend so badly, but the person that I was when I was with my friends was so different from the person who wanted to be the follower of Christ. Ok, so that night after the whole church worshiped, the youth went on a dock and did more worship and prayer, and I was crying and praying and singing, my nose was all runny. THAT NIGHT, July 26, 2007, I went on a walk with Amilyn and the first thing she asked was, “Why were you crying?” And I said, “Because I know what I have to give up for Christ, and I’m ready to give it up.”

That may not have been the day when I first believed, but that was the day I completely surrendered, for the very first time, my whole life to Christ.

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