It all started when I was driving to Federal Way with Christina to meet up with Thabong. We listened to a song by Misty Edwards. It was eleven minutes long, and for each second, I was being destroyed by the Love of my life. The exact emotion that it brought on was something like this: “How selfish are you? How dare you think that you have so much importance!” Ouch. That was like a really hard slap in the face. A loving slap, however, and here’s what He meant by that.
God has such a big amazing plan and I’m only a small part of it. How could I let my desires get in the way of God fulfilling His plan in me as part of His greater plan for the whole universe for all of eternity. “I am a flower quickly fading. Here today and gone tomorrow,” as Casting Crowns so perfectly describes our existence. I cannot forget that. I have no right to think that I deserve anything. My only purpose on this Earth is to serve and to offer praise to God – the only One who is worthy of my worship and praise. I am not here for myself, and this is not about me. I have been so selfish in thinking that my hopes and dreams and thoughts could be even a small bit greater than what God has planned for all of time! Don’t misunderstand this though. God does care about each one of us, and therefore, my thoughts and dreams are important to Him. But I have come to realize that His plan is greater than anything, and that should be my number one desire, above all else.
Here is the “metaphor,” I suppose you could say, of what God was showing me my life was like. My life is like a thread in a huge web that is His plan for all of eternity. If my life is taken out of the web, there will be disconnection between significant things and people. My life has that much significance, and yet, my desires are so insignificant. Significance comes when I decided to let God use my thread in the web. If my thread isn’t in the web, it’s completely useless and insignificant. But, if I let God use my thread, it will be significant and exist for a greater purpose.
My friend Nick once asked, “What it is that we deserve from God?” I replied with what I thought was the obvious answer. “Nothing.” He said, “No you’re wrong. What we deserve is death, but God was so full of grace that He let us live.” The least I can do for Him is to give my life. No matter what, I deserve to die, but Jesus came in and said, “No. I don’t want you to die. Let me do it.” I must give God the entirety of my life and not even worry about anything else. It will be my joy to live a life of service for my King. How exciting to get to be the King’s messenger! How exciting to get to do great, unimaginable things for the Creator of the Universe!
Lastly, I was talking with Christina about how I find joy in living outside of my comfort zone. I love to experience God in new ways. It is always exciting to give Him my life and see where He takes me. I love to trust Him and not know where I’m going to go. I love when He gives me a new mission to show my faith in Him because it’s always exciting. I don’t think God calls us to live a comfortable life. I feel like, (this might be way out there..) if we’re living comfortably, we’re not really following God’s will for our lives, unless the comfort that we find is in our trust in God and His will for us. If we’re too comfortable then we’re not stepping out in faith and if we’re not stepping out in faith, then we’re not fully living up to the potential that God has for us. I know not everyone is going to be a martyr or be a missionary in China. I do think we can all go out of our comfort zone in the life that God calls us to so that we are always growing in our faith.
When I was writing this all down, it seemed fairly intense. It was definitely one of those, “Wow, God.” moments, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I love how God works in His perfect timing.